Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness

Dear Sophie,
Thinking of you. It's been a week of personal growth for me, as I work through feelings about being a mom, and strengthen myself to move into the future. Ben's arrest and Vivi's being overseas have brought it all into sharp focus. I can see where I failed in my parenting, but also where I was good and strong.

Last night, I remembered quoting Kahlil Gibran "On Children" to my father when I was Vivi's age. "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself." He pitched an incredible fit about it. It really hurt his feelings. Now I understand Gibran's words so much better, but I also understand my dad's reaction to it, because I have mistakenly made you kids my identity, and you are not me.

"You may give them your love, but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts." And I see clearly that each of you has your own thoughts, that are not my thoughts. You live in a world that is not my world, and within that world, you each have your own life to live. "Their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."

Although I see my mistakes, it's too late to correct them. And as much influence as I have had with you, I am just a part of what has made you who you are today. You came into this world with a spirit of your own. This spirit, your siblings and peers, the world in which you grew up, your dad and your stepdad, your heritage, all these things and more have also formed and shaped you. And you will continue to grow, with and without me, through the years to spiritual maturity.

As for me, this letting go is part of my own growing up. The process never ends. I only wish I had been wiser younger, so I could have shared that with you, but still, I have been honored to be the bow. "You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the infinite, and He bends you with His might that his arrows may go swift and far."

Meanwhile, my dear oldest daughter, I think of you often with the greatest affection. I have been working hard on my art, because the passion to share my vision is growing stronger every day. I must get Jack to scan more of it . . . I have a dozen pages of pencil drawings to ink in, and I spend every discretionary cent on art books.

I wonder how things are for you in the new house, and how your work is coming along at Earth First! I'm so proud of the work you do!
Love,
Mom